translators are great
September 23, 2009, 5:37 pm
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Melanie: jestem oglądania telewizji (CSI) z kelly-ann
Michal: hah CSI jest do dupy, ale kelly ann to fajna laska
Melanie: kelly-ann lubi pokazać
Michal: co lubi pokazac?
Michal: swoje dobra?
Melanie: tak

in English –
Melanie: I’m watching CSI with Kelly-Ann.
Michal: haha CSI is shit, but Kelly-Ann is a nice girl.
Melanie: Kelly-Ann likes to show off.
Michal: Show what?
Michal: Her goods?
Melanie: Yes.

I mean to say that she liked THE show.


last one!
April 24, 2009, 9:52 pm
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Capitulo 7 (The Last Kiss of Love):
The orgy was over. The guests all slept in the darkness, full of wine. Some gothic-looking chick with a lantern entered the room and looked for a familiar face in the group.

She stopped at Arnold. She looks as if she will kiss him, but continues her search. She stabbed Johann. She returns to Arnold, who is really Artur. He didn’t die from the duel! He was alive! (this thing happens all the time in literature…)

She was once “Géorgia,” the virgin, but was now “Giorgia,” the prostitute.

She was there to say goodbye to Artur, for she was going to die. She took out a dagger and stabbed herself. Artur does the same, and falls upon her. The lamp goes out.

April 24, 2009, 8:43 pm
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Chapter 6 (Johann):

Now it’s my turn, biatchesss!

Continue reading

claudius (revamped.)
April 23, 2009, 9:25 pm
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Capitulo 5 (Claudius):
Okay, so I was hella rich. I had orgies all the time and went to horse races and just spent the hell out of my money. One day, I was at the races when I saw this hella hott chick. I even saw her the next day at the theater She was the duchess Eleonora. Then, I saw her again at a ball. (stalker much?)

I loved her for 6 whole months before even speaking to her. One day, I decided to end that. I bought a key to her house off of some servant dude and I totally drugged her while she slept (/did the dirty with her, but she had nooooo idea!). Once I left, I knew that no other woman would ever satisfy me after being with her.

I eventually snuck into her house again, but this time I hid in her room before she got home. I took her goblet of water and mixed up my own special blend of roofie-colada. When she entered the room, her husband was with her. They were both thirsty, so they both drank of the glass. DOUBLE ROOFIE’D! Allllright.

Once they both started to feel the effects of the drug, I snatched her up and took her to my house (totally kidnapping, y’all!). She woke up at my house and was like “Did I just get Punk’d? Where’s my husband? Where’s Ashton?!” Too bad that it was REAL!

Blah blah we talked and she freaked out and was going to scream out of the window and junk, and I’m like “but I did all of this stuff for you!” and she didn’t care so I was like “you will just be ostracized if you go home, biatch.” She begged me for forgiveness and told me that she’d stay with me.

Then one day I came home to find her dead in bed…. and her husband’s body was embracing hers.

April 22, 2009, 11:28 pm
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Capitulo 4 (Gennaro):
So, since we are all WASTEY-FACED, I will once again try to top the story before mine.

I was 18 and I was the apprentice of a painter named Godofredo Walsh. His wife was a total hottie (and only 20 years-old!). I fell in love with her. His daughter wasn’t too bad, either. She was 15 and she would come into my room at night to do tha nasty… but I didn’t really like her. She tried to get me to marry her, but I refused. She soon died of depression (while pregnant with my child!). Oops.

After his daughter died, Walsh would go into her room at night (all night!) and wouldn’t sleep…. so I TOTALLY got all up in his bed with his wife every night. Once he found out, he was pisssssed! BUT before he found out, he took me into his daughter’s old room and pulled the bedsheet away to show me a painting. The painting was of a dying young woman – Laura! He was remembering his daughter this way?! What a creep….

For some reason, he allowed me to stay in the house.

One night, d00d asked me to accompany him into the countryside because he didn’t want to go alone. He went to a little cottage and spoke to a woman. She gave him something, but I’m not really sure what it was. He returned to my side and he gave me two options. He told me that I could either kill myself or be killed. I chose to throw myself off a cliff…. I don’t remember much, but I woke up and I was like “uhh, I’m alive?” I made the trek back to his house to beg for his forgiveness and shizz, but once I got there, I changed my mind.

When I arrived at the house, I went straight for his room. His hottie wife was there, slumped over a desk. She was dead, y’all!! She was not-so-hott with yellow skin… I saw the old man’s body as well. He had green foam coming out of his mouth. He had poisoned her and then poisoned himself. The end!

*edited 4/23/09 8:08 PM

April 21, 2009, 12:08 pm
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Capitulo 3 “Bertram”:
So you guys think that Solfieri’s story about that kinda dead chick was good? I’ll tell you a story that starts with my memories of this one hot chick…

Continue reading

noite na taverna
April 20, 2009, 11:29 pm
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Tonight I began to think of all of the ways that I could tell all of my friends about the story that I was reading for my Portuguese literature class (yes, I’m THAT excited about reading it…). I decided to keep my blog-readers updated on my reading progress by giving a short, funny, English summary of the parts that I read for the night. Oh yeah, it’ll be worth it.

Ohhhhh man, we are soooo drunk! We’re in a bar!!! All of those slutty girls are drunk and passed out. Hell yeah. Let’s have a toast…. or 4. We are so philosophical when we drink. Let’s tell stories and compete with each other! SB 1850!!!!!!

CAPITULO 2 (Sofieri):
Soooo this one time I was in Rome, and I was walking down the street when I saw this smokin hot chick in a doorway. She was really pale, like the moonlight. Yeah, moon. I like to compare her to the moon. Anywho, she walked out of the doorway and I was super-stalker-y and followed her. She sang a bit. It was nice. I followed her straight into the cemetary! She layed on a tomb and cried all night while I slept.

I returned to Rome about a year later. I left this drunken orgy, right? I was like OMG WHERE YOU AT, GURL? No kisses from other girls would satisfy my longing for the beautiful moon girl. I was sooooo drunk that I totally had no clue what I was doing and I ended up in a temple. There was a casket that was slightly open, so my drunkass opened it all the way and BAM! IT WAS THE MOON GIRL! How dare she be in this casket! I took her out of it and carried her into the cemetary, while kissing her “a thousand times on the mouth” (Azevedo). I am SO into dead chicks. I was sooo in love with this dead chick! Suddenly, she started to wake up…. she wasn’t dead! She had some weird fainting disease, I guess. I carry her out of the cemetary, towards my house. A guard stops me, but I tell him that she is NOT dead and she is my boo. I get her home, finally, and I take care of her. 2 days later she dies of a fever.

I make a tomb for her and I sleep on top of her for a while…. then I get some guy to make a wax statue of her. I’m a creeper. The end.

My friend and I are actually presenting the second chapter for class tomorrow. We were really distraught, because we wanted to make our presentation perfect.


We can’t just get up in front of the class and be like ‘uhh… necrophilia jeopardy!’

and the ever-so-awesome


We need a depressing background… ohh Euro soccer, that’s depressing.. ?

*edited 4/21/09 10:49PM