April 21, 2009, 12:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Capitulo 3 “Bertram”:
So you guys think that Solfieri’s story about that kinda dead chick was good? I’ll tell you a story that starts with my memories of this one hot chick…

In Cadiz, there was this chick named Ângela. She was dark-skinned and hot. I loved this girl a lot, and once I had decided to marry her, I had to go to Denmark because my dad was dying. The night that I left was a night of crying and kisses and promises of love. I didn’t return for 2 years.

My dad was on his death bed when I arrived at his house. He cried, people cried, and I cried, but really I was only crying because I missed Ângela. I put my inheritance in a bank in Hamburg and I was off to Spain again.

When I got to Spain, Ângela was married with a kid! WTF?! Whatever, I still loved her, and she loved me! We spent a night in the garden, and it was crazy! Too bad her husband found out.

One day, while I waited for her outside of her house, I heard a voice call my name. It was Ângela! She was barefoot and she was lookin’ a hot mess. As she took my hand, I felt something wet. Ew, girl. We climbed the stairs to her house and she touched my lips with her fingers. They tasted like blood. Ew again, girl! I was like “OMG BLOOD! What did you do?” She just shook her hair and laughed. What a crazy biatch. She went to find a candle.

In the dark living room I tried to find a place to sit. My hand brushed something wet. I felt a cold, dead head that was bathed in blood. IT WAS HER HUSBAND. On his chest was another body. It was their son! There blood ran and mixed together.

She said: “Look, Bertram, this was my present: now it will be a dream of my past. I am yours and only yours.”

My life with her was CRUH-AZY! She would dress in drag and stuff and come drink with my buddies and me. She drank like an Englishwoman, smoked like a sultan, rode a horse like an Arab, and used weapons like a Spaniard. Those nights were AWEEESOME.

One day she left. She left my lips still burnt from hers and my heart full of the seeds of vices that she threw at me. She left, but her memory stayed like a ghost, like an evil angel next to my bed. I slowly began to drink and gamble away her memory.

One night, I was drunk and I fell onto the doorstep of a strange house. I got run-over by a carriage or whatever people drove in 1850… The owners of the house rescued me. Sweetttttt. The guy that owned the house was an old fart, but he had a HOTT 18 year-old daughter. Alllllright! I didn’t really like her and I grew bored pretty quickly soooo I sold her to a pirate.

In Italy, I decided to kill myself. Some sailor talked me out of it, and I accidentally killed him. I joined a pirate ship, though! I became buddy-buddy with the captain and then I fell in love with his wife. She liked me too, it’s a mutual thing.

In the midst of our love, our ship is attacked by pirates. Our ship and the other ship sank. The captain, his wife, a couple of sailors, and I were all on a raft. After some time without food or water, we started to worry. The two sailors were already dead (we totally ate them), and there were only three left; the captain, his wife, and me. We decided that the captain should be killed for food, but he didn’t like that idea. He fought for his life. He lost. We ate him.

The captain’s wife suggested that we die together. I was like “HELL NAH, TRICK!” and with famine and fever, I suffocated her

An English ship saved me a few days later.

*edited 4/21/09 10:47PM 😉


2 Comments so far
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Haha, well this one was a bit long. Maybe the chapter was just long. There also seems to be more direct translation here (err, little bits), which is amusing, but maybe that’s why it’s longer?

“In Italy, I decided to kill myself. Some pirate talks me out of it, and I accidentally kill him. I join a pirate ship, though! I become buddy-buddy with the captain and then fall in love with his wife. She likes me too, it’s a mutual thing.”

Way to switch tenses after the first sentence. You’re going to have to do some more editing before you can send this off to CliffsNotes ;). And since I’m sure you appreciate my proofreading SO much, wanna proofread my essay when I’m done/tell me if it makes any sense??

Comment by Ceci

I fixed it 🙂 and yes, I would love to read your paper haha

Comment by smellanizer

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